what goes Up, must come Down

To all of you who know what this is.
To all of you who don't.
To all you who try as you might,
to understand
but just can't
and never will

I may just seem like a hormonal teenager
and maybe I am.
But I know that these feelings are very real.
more real than this keyboard
or the bed I lay on

It's like I'm in two parallel universes.
like a my right foot in one and the left in the other.
and I must try ever so damn carefully
so tediously
to keep myself balanced
to be part of both.
Or I could decide which one to step into.
and which one to let go.

My life is clearer than it has ever been.
my road is newly cobbled.
and the fog has lifted.
But now I can see it.
and it winds.
Oooh does it wind!
and climb and turn.
and bend and dead-end.
which one do I take?
how should I know?

I love my chileans.
I love my intercambios.
I love my Laura.
Amo a mi Renato.
I love my families
All of the[
I love my life.
like it is now
I love exploring new places with the people I love.\\\And by myself.
but only sometimes.

I don't want to go back to where I was.
what I have.
what I didn't.
There are people here who know how to help.
how to relate.

I want them.

But I can't have that.

and most of all I might loose them.
I am more afraid than have ever been in my whole life.
I am scared to death.